“Having It All” And What It’s Costing Us
There’s a phrase we’ve been sold for years:
“You can have it all.”
And for the most part? We do.
We juggle careers, businesses, marriages, studies, deadlines, client demands, and expectations that never seem to clock out. We show up for people. We pour. We produce. We pivot. We make it work — even when the pieces don’t fit neatly together.
So yes. We can do it all. But recently, I had to face a harder truth:
Just because you’re managing… doesn’t mean you’re well.
The Moment I Had to Pause
Not long ago, my husband looked at me — really looked at me — and said:
“You don’t have to be superwoman. You’re have a short fuse and you’re also burning out.”
I didn’t like hearing it. Because in many ways, I was making progress.
But he was right. I was moody. I had a short fuse. My patience felt thin. My stress level was rising and my joy was quietly lowering.
And yet, the outside world saw a woman who was “killing it.”
That’s the tension so many of us carry:
We’re functioning… but are we flourishing?
The Silent Cost of Capacity
High-performing women rarely fall apart out loud. We just stretch quietly.
It shows up subtly:
- Snappy responses over small things
- Meals eaten standing up between tasks
- Breathing shallow without even noticing
- Conversations that feel rushed instead of shared
- Everything getting done… but nothing truly felt
We look efficient. We sound capable. But inside?
We’re often running on fumes.
So the Real Question Isn’t – Can We Do It All?
We already know we can.
The real question is:
What is the impact of always doing it all?
And how do we build a life that doesn’t require constant recovery?
Maybe capacity isn’t the victory.
Maybe clarity is.
Maybe strength isn’t in endurance but in discernment.
In deciding what our “all” actually needs to include.
So How Do We Begin to Shift?
Not with dramatic change — but with small, deliberate ones:
1. Practice the Courageous No
Say no before resentment sets in. A gentle boundary today prevents a heavy recovery tomorrow.
2. Redefine ‘Rest’
Rest is not earned, it is required. And it doesn’t have to be a vacation. It can be a deep breath. A glass of water. A slow meal. A moment of stillness before the next task.
3. Reconnect With Your Body
Weariness often shows up physically before we admit it mentally. Headaches, irritability, digestive trouble — these are signals, not inconveniences.
4. Ask: “What Is Actually Mine to Carry?”
Just because we can hold it, doesn’t mean we should.
A Final Thought
I still believe women can have a rich life, full of purpose, ambition, contribution, family, love, creativity, and impact.
But “having it all” shouldn’t mean carrying it all at once.
And it shouldn’t mean losing ourselves in the process.
Perhaps the most powerful shift we can make is this:
I don’t want a life that only looks impressive.
I want a life that actually feels like mine.
Question:
Where in your life do you feel most stretched and what would sustainability look like instead?